Honesty: A Chat with Bill Mallonee
Another Day Along the Way
Friday, December 4, 2009
Another day,
I first heard Bill Mallonee and Vigilantes of Love live in Michigan. I began keeping up with each CD, each song, each season of their journey. Last summer, Bill and I met in Athens for a nice chat. I continue hearing his music, evaluating his lyrics; we continue our conversations and notes about songs and life. Today, listen in on our chat.
Chris: Bill, take us back in time and tell us how you started writing songs, playing music, and doing concerts.
Bill: I was given a little 4 track recorder on loan for doing a drum session; a friend loaned it to me for two weeks. I think I wrote about 7 songs that became the first set of a band I started in Athens, GA, called Windows and Walls. This would have been 1985; I was still learning the basics, of course. But almost from the start I poured my energies into writing songs. They just showed up. I might have written about 50 the first year and I've maintained that pace for a long spell. I think what really happened was some sort of dam of raw emotion gave way and I began searching, through song, how to give voice to all the dark and noisy tapes that had been spinning in my head since I was a kid.
Chris: How did VOL (Vigilantes of Love) come up with their name?
Bill: We're fast forwarding to 1991 at this point, Chris. The name came from a song by post punk band called New Order; a song called Love Vigilante was the steal. I needed a name for a show that had just been booked with my new un-named band as the opener. The band was just me and an accordion player. It was very folk-rock with a touch of punk. Pretty ramped up stuff and heart-on-the-sleeve spiritual stuff. I morphed the name from the New Order song just to have something to give to the local press before the show. I guess almost 20 years later, it "stuck."
Chris: How does it feel to be ranked as a top songwriter?
Bill: Feels good. I work hard at it. I love the places a good song can take a person. So much of life, comes bubbling up through our spirits and it rarely has words to describe it. I think that's where good art comes in. It gives substance, even if for a fleeting moment, to the deeper truths that live inside of us and that are all around us.
But before I give a song out "live" or commit it to record, it has to take ME personally somewhere. I've put out about 25 albums now and probably written 1500 songs. And I can say that if they didn't significantly move me on some level, then they never got finished.
Chris: What is the hardest part of being an artist in these days?
Bill: I've been lucky in that inspiration has never been hard to find. So much of my work tends towards the melancholy and confessional. But the hardest part is just making it financially, really. You'd be tempted to think that after all the great press that's been written on my records and songs over the years, that I'd be somewhat stable. Nothing could be farther from the truth. It's actually worsened over the last 3 years.
Chris: Some have said that you do not fit in either the Christian market or the general market. Give us your perspective on that.
Bill: I dunno. I tell folks that I'm a believer in Christ; I've staked my life on that first Easter morn and Jesus' empty tomb. And those truths, especially their deeper ramifications, show up in my songs continually. But they show up in my experience and heart first. If it doesn't then it's just propaganda, and we're deluged by that every day. I tell folks that it is my faith but not my agenda, when it comes to the song, the stage, the performance. That being said, I do believe that our wholeness is entered into and begun to be realized in Christ.
The only way for artists who are Christians to be relevant to the world at large, is to simply be themselves. Be transparent, honest, authentic. Find YOUR own voice, not someone else's. And that'll be your journey, because you'll spend a lifetime doing it.
Chris: You recently lost your dad. How did you feel?
Bill: He was a tender and simple man in many ways. A brilliant inventor. He invented indoor/outdoor carpet. True. He never saw a penny for it - the corporations he worked for taking it all. He eventually became very depressed and drank a lot later in life. I think it was his way of coping with the deep disappointment. He taught me love for music. He played jazz drums. Loved a good martini, Frank Sinatra and my mother dearly. He died of cancer in March this year. I miss him, but I think he's in a "better place," as they say. I think he was ready to go home.
Chris: Speaking of tough times, you have been through many. Talk to us a little about your own personal struggles and how music has helped you cope.
Bill: After years of record after record getting great press, but not breaking us to a level of being able to even provide for my family, I got extremely depressed and vulnerable. It destroyed my already weakening marriage. I was very cruel and a coward about how it finally came apart. I am sorry to the core of my being for my behavior. But even the failures had their seed in years of denial, disappointments and rejections, both personal and professional. I think people had no idea how much risk was taken to run Vigilantes of Love. I was trying to swallow all this heartache and pretend nothing was wrong.
The subsequent divorce was plenty of fodder for folks to walk away, so to speak. Really, most of my fans just walked away or, worse still, picked up stones to throw. I was not brazen about my failures in any way. I was honest and deeply sorry with everyone I had hurt. But, I realized that my life and marriage had been put up on some celebrity pedestal and that somehow, at least in these people's minds, I had personally betrayed them. I had many acquaintances, but no real friends I could turn to in my hour of need.
Chris: Since that season, what is your latest music saying to listeners?
Bill: I'm very happy to be "out of the dark" a bit. The new songs from a project I'm doing are being released as EPs called Works Progress Administration. I've done 5 EPs so far, each has about 5-7 songs on it; they are all available for download at: http://VOLsounds.com
Thematically? Your heart's gonna break, so don't be surprised. Grieve all that you lost, or grieve what wasn't recognized in your life. You'll get used to waiting, praying; but "resurrections" are God's business, it seems. Bear one another's burdens. Even look for one or two to bear for your friends. Affirm the best in each other. Don't give your heart to illusions. Stay close to all that's good in your life, in each other and all that God gives you. Talk to your Heavenly Father through out the day; be aware of just how much heartache there is in the world and in your own skin. Treat all, everyone with respect, mercy and grace. The new songs are still all wrapped up in the poetry of the road and my life as an Americana songwriter. I tell folks, "It's a good gig, if you can get it."
Chris: How do you seek to influence others?
Bill: I don't think about that, really, Chris. You can only be who you are. "The life you live is the loudest Gospel you'll ever preach," I've heard it said. I just try to be authentic and real. I try to bring a little light to wherever I'm playing that night. Just be yourself, and do your best; that's hard enough.
Chris: If someone could paste some of your lyrics in their daily reminder to bring them hope for that day, what would you suggest?
Bill: Oh, can't even remotely answer that. With over a 1000 songs, that would be impossible. BUT, I have a brand new song called "Kick In," on the new WPA 5 EP, "Cabin Songs." It's a very sad, tender ballad, really; in it I suggest the Apostles "lacked something" to put their message across. I say, "What they really needed was trains and train stations, ports of entry and love songs and power pop; They needed fiddle tunes and reels, high and lonesome and lots of pedal steel....to put it all across; And doesn't every age need its own words...to grieve all that it lost?"
That last line might be the reason I do what I do: "...and doesn't every age need its own words...to grieve all that it lost?"
I thank Bill for his honesty. What can we learn through Bill's painful journey, from his authenticity, from his music? How can we find hope during seasons of death, disappointment, depression, divorce? In the month of December - when many people feel sadness while their neighbors celebrate with joy - how can we care for them when they need friends? What songs do we sing privately in prayer, releasing our hurt and receiving the healing of confessions? What songs do our lives sing in public so that others will hear of love?
Along the way,
Chris Maxwell
Powerful Statements: "My position is all too clear; I'm bringing up the strategic rear."
(Bill Mallonee, Starry Eyed)
"But many who are first will be last, and the last first."
(Jesus - Mark 10:31)
http://www.billmallonee.net/
http://www.volsounds.com/store/process.php?pname=ShopfrontProcess-Start
Friday, December 4, 2009
Another day,
I first heard Bill Mallonee and Vigilantes of Love live in Michigan. I began keeping up with each CD, each song, each season of their journey. Last summer, Bill and I met in Athens for a nice chat. I continue hearing his music, evaluating his lyrics; we continue our conversations and notes about songs and life. Today, listen in on our chat.
Chris: Bill, take us back in time and tell us how you started writing songs, playing music, and doing concerts.
Bill: I was given a little 4 track recorder on loan for doing a drum session; a friend loaned it to me for two weeks. I think I wrote about 7 songs that became the first set of a band I started in Athens, GA, called Windows and Walls. This would have been 1985; I was still learning the basics, of course. But almost from the start I poured my energies into writing songs. They just showed up. I might have written about 50 the first year and I've maintained that pace for a long spell. I think what really happened was some sort of dam of raw emotion gave way and I began searching, through song, how to give voice to all the dark and noisy tapes that had been spinning in my head since I was a kid.
Chris: How did VOL (Vigilantes of Love) come up with their name?
Bill: We're fast forwarding to 1991 at this point, Chris. The name came from a song by post punk band called New Order; a song called Love Vigilante was the steal. I needed a name for a show that had just been booked with my new un-named band as the opener. The band was just me and an accordion player. It was very folk-rock with a touch of punk. Pretty ramped up stuff and heart-on-the-sleeve spiritual stuff. I morphed the name from the New Order song just to have something to give to the local press before the show. I guess almost 20 years later, it "stuck."
Chris: How does it feel to be ranked as a top songwriter?
Bill: Feels good. I work hard at it. I love the places a good song can take a person. So much of life, comes bubbling up through our spirits and it rarely has words to describe it. I think that's where good art comes in. It gives substance, even if for a fleeting moment, to the deeper truths that live inside of us and that are all around us.
But before I give a song out "live" or commit it to record, it has to take ME personally somewhere. I've put out about 25 albums now and probably written 1500 songs. And I can say that if they didn't significantly move me on some level, then they never got finished.
Chris: What is the hardest part of being an artist in these days?
Bill: I've been lucky in that inspiration has never been hard to find. So much of my work tends towards the melancholy and confessional. But the hardest part is just making it financially, really. You'd be tempted to think that after all the great press that's been written on my records and songs over the years, that I'd be somewhat stable. Nothing could be farther from the truth. It's actually worsened over the last 3 years.
Chris: Some have said that you do not fit in either the Christian market or the general market. Give us your perspective on that.
Bill: I dunno. I tell folks that I'm a believer in Christ; I've staked my life on that first Easter morn and Jesus' empty tomb. And those truths, especially their deeper ramifications, show up in my songs continually. But they show up in my experience and heart first. If it doesn't then it's just propaganda, and we're deluged by that every day. I tell folks that it is my faith but not my agenda, when it comes to the song, the stage, the performance. That being said, I do believe that our wholeness is entered into and begun to be realized in Christ.
The only way for artists who are Christians to be relevant to the world at large, is to simply be themselves. Be transparent, honest, authentic. Find YOUR own voice, not someone else's. And that'll be your journey, because you'll spend a lifetime doing it.
Chris: You recently lost your dad. How did you feel?
Bill: He was a tender and simple man in many ways. A brilliant inventor. He invented indoor/outdoor carpet. True. He never saw a penny for it - the corporations he worked for taking it all. He eventually became very depressed and drank a lot later in life. I think it was his way of coping with the deep disappointment. He taught me love for music. He played jazz drums. Loved a good martini, Frank Sinatra and my mother dearly. He died of cancer in March this year. I miss him, but I think he's in a "better place," as they say. I think he was ready to go home.
Chris: Speaking of tough times, you have been through many. Talk to us a little about your own personal struggles and how music has helped you cope.
Bill: After years of record after record getting great press, but not breaking us to a level of being able to even provide for my family, I got extremely depressed and vulnerable. It destroyed my already weakening marriage. I was very cruel and a coward about how it finally came apart. I am sorry to the core of my being for my behavior. But even the failures had their seed in years of denial, disappointments and rejections, both personal and professional. I think people had no idea how much risk was taken to run Vigilantes of Love. I was trying to swallow all this heartache and pretend nothing was wrong.
The subsequent divorce was plenty of fodder for folks to walk away, so to speak. Really, most of my fans just walked away or, worse still, picked up stones to throw. I was not brazen about my failures in any way. I was honest and deeply sorry with everyone I had hurt. But, I realized that my life and marriage had been put up on some celebrity pedestal and that somehow, at least in these people's minds, I had personally betrayed them. I had many acquaintances, but no real friends I could turn to in my hour of need.
Chris: Since that season, what is your latest music saying to listeners?
Bill: I'm very happy to be "out of the dark" a bit. The new songs from a project I'm doing are being released as EPs called Works Progress Administration. I've done 5 EPs so far, each has about 5-7 songs on it; they are all available for download at: http://VOLsounds.com
Thematically? Your heart's gonna break, so don't be surprised. Grieve all that you lost, or grieve what wasn't recognized in your life. You'll get used to waiting, praying; but "resurrections" are God's business, it seems. Bear one another's burdens. Even look for one or two to bear for your friends. Affirm the best in each other. Don't give your heart to illusions. Stay close to all that's good in your life, in each other and all that God gives you. Talk to your Heavenly Father through out the day; be aware of just how much heartache there is in the world and in your own skin. Treat all, everyone with respect, mercy and grace. The new songs are still all wrapped up in the poetry of the road and my life as an Americana songwriter. I tell folks, "It's a good gig, if you can get it."
Chris: How do you seek to influence others?
Bill: I don't think about that, really, Chris. You can only be who you are. "The life you live is the loudest Gospel you'll ever preach," I've heard it said. I just try to be authentic and real. I try to bring a little light to wherever I'm playing that night. Just be yourself, and do your best; that's hard enough.
Chris: If someone could paste some of your lyrics in their daily reminder to bring them hope for that day, what would you suggest?
Bill: Oh, can't even remotely answer that. With over a 1000 songs, that would be impossible. BUT, I have a brand new song called "Kick In," on the new WPA 5 EP, "Cabin Songs." It's a very sad, tender ballad, really; in it I suggest the Apostles "lacked something" to put their message across. I say, "What they really needed was trains and train stations, ports of entry and love songs and power pop; They needed fiddle tunes and reels, high and lonesome and lots of pedal steel....to put it all across; And doesn't every age need its own words...to grieve all that it lost?"
That last line might be the reason I do what I do: "...and doesn't every age need its own words...to grieve all that it lost?"
I thank Bill for his honesty. What can we learn through Bill's painful journey, from his authenticity, from his music? How can we find hope during seasons of death, disappointment, depression, divorce? In the month of December - when many people feel sadness while their neighbors celebrate with joy - how can we care for them when they need friends? What songs do we sing privately in prayer, releasing our hurt and receiving the healing of confessions? What songs do our lives sing in public so that others will hear of love?
Along the way,
Chris Maxwell
Powerful Statements: "My position is all too clear; I'm bringing up the strategic rear."
(Bill Mallonee, Starry Eyed)
"But many who are first will be last, and the last first."
(Jesus - Mark 10:31)
http://www.billmallonee.net/
http://www.volsounds.com/store/process.php?pname=ShopfrontProcess-Start
5 Comments:
Such honesty Chris. Something I think is lacking in the world today. Tough to read really but so needed. And how pertinent his comments about friends walking away and even throwing stones given what is in the headlines this week. Thanks.
Wow! He is so honest. I think I have only met one other person in my life that is that honest. I don't even think I am that honest to myself. I wish I was.
I can hear his harmonica playing music in my ears right now. Cool story. Sad though. I am glad you let him be honest. That is what BM & VOL are known for.
We need that turn to person vs. the aquainted idea. Powerful stuff. Resurrectiond are Gods business. Beautiful.
Chris, We saw each other in that Festival of Faith and Writing in Grand Rapids. I remember VOL. You have been writing about Bruce Cockburn lately also. Remember his songwriter's session and his concert? I want to be there in the spring. Notify me if you are coming. Looks like you are still busy writing after your move.
Sandra
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